i don't think you quite understand this relationship

Hello, my name is Jamie, and I am a caffeine addict.

I require at least 2-3 cups of coffee or some sort of highly caffeinated beverage a day, or I will bring the wrath of the dehydrated caffeine gods onto my poor head. Splitting headaches, incredible levels of grouchiness...it's not pretty. It's as if someone took away Oscar the Grouch's ability to bitterly complain about everything and his trash can too, leaving him lost and ready to explode into little green furry puppet pieces of anger and pain. (see figure below)

no one wants this. 

One day I might get over this ridiculous addiction that I share with almost every American, though probably not because that's how Starbucks likes it.

 

if only.

 My problem with caffeine is reinforced by my absurd sleep schedule. (of course by which I mean nap schedule...) I don't sleep because I feel like the world is passing my unconscious, vulnerable body behind and creating all sorts of inside jokes and stories, none of which I would be able to understand if I wasn't there to appreciate them firsthand. The only safe time to sleep is from 4-6 am, because no one else is awake either and the bowels of the internet have often also lost their entertainment value. Any opportunity to sleep becomes thwarted by the thought of undone homework, however, and this precious window of opportunity to recharge the biological batteries is WASTED on monotony and papers that wind up sounding religiously dedicated to Le Corbusier. Sure, the man fathered the Modernist movement. That does not mean I have to appreciate writing about him. In my opinion, his buildings are ugly and while he had some interesting concepts driving his designs, he was fairly lacking in general aesthetic. I'll give him credit though, he was hilariously insane. Reading some of his published work is like trying to wade through the mind of a stoned teenager. 

seriously, wtf is this

 Le Corbusier. The great LC himself. Hmpfh. He and Frank Lloyd Wright are going to come together and steal my weekend, seeing as I never really got a good handle on that paper I was procrastinating on. They'll have to trek along with me to Philly, I guess.